Losing It

Today’s post is the first part in a three-part series.

Some times I think my life could be described as a repeated process of losing and finding myself.  With each it loss, I shed a piece of myself that I don’t need anymore. I take with me some lessons learned, I discover some new traits, but my core is rediscovered and solidified.

Here’s a little background on who I am.  I’m the youngest of three children. I have two older brothers. My father and mother were very involved and supportive of their daughter growing up and still today.  One of my best friends in high school was a guy and I trusted him more than some of the girl friends I had back then.

So, when I went off to college I had an absence of male companions. I was used to positive affirmations and validation from males.  Well, long story short, I went looking for that affirmation in the wrong places and the wrong ways.  I played that game for a couple of years before I realized that wasn’t really getting me anywhere.

I got more connected to a local church, and the gospel choir, and was baptized while in college. I came back a little stronger from the place I’d been in and was starting to build my own confidence up instead of looking for external validation.

When I went off to graduate school for my master’s degree. I felt a surge of independence.  I had cut most of my financial ties from my parents.  I was paying my own bills.  Going to work. Going to school.  I was supporting myself,  essentially, and it felt really good.  I was on my own for the first time.  That surge of independence was really important for me as the youngest child, and only girl in the family.

But it was the process of losing my positive male influences, getting life wrong for a little bit, and then building myself back up that made me that independent young woman that took her master’s program by storm.

It’s funny. I kinda think I peaked at 22, maybe 23.  The years at JMU (2007-2009) were awesome. Some of the greatest memories were made there.  Then I remember that I’m only 30. Don’t be so dramatic, Stace. There’s so much left to come, God willing.

My life is a series of peaks and valleys and I just need to enjoy the ride.

Be on the lookout for part 2! Coming soon.

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7 thoughts on “Losing It

  1. Funny how we both wrote about feeling lost in life yet we still had such different angles. I too really do prefer to hang out with guys. Somehow they seem to see the glass as half full.

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